A Stolen Day

 

When you wake up in the morning and you want to live it means it’s a Good Day!


Days with zero pain are hard to come by. In my world they are a rare commodity, a highly prized currency, an endangered animal on the verge of extinction.

And today is a Good Day! It’s a day when I don’t feel the weight of body, when my steps are light, my movements are quick and I don't have to fight gravity with my every stride. It’s a day when I want to run barefoot on the grass, when I want to skip stones across water and play with my dogs. It’s a day when I want to sing to my favorite music, when I want to cook, do laundry, and clean the house. It’s a day when I want to do all those things that I never thought I would miss doing.

It's a day when I notice the color of the sky and a brush of wind on my skin. My mind is clear. My memory is sharp. It's a day when I want to grab a stranger by his shoulders and shake him a little and tell him how lucky we are to be alive. This is a good day!

But I have a love-hate relationship with these days. They used to give me hope, a string of hope to hold on to. Every time I had one of these good days I thought I was cured. I thought that just as suddenly as this illness entered my life, just as suddenly it will be gone. And every time the next day would come only to prove me wrong. And with every disappointment the string of hope would get thinner and thinner until I learned to hate these good days.

I hated them! I despised them as a contemptuous jest, as a scornful mockery, as a cruel reminder of what my life used to be, of what my life could have been; of the life I was robbed of by this illness.

But hate weighs you down even more. Now instead of hatred and frustration I choose to be content.

Today is a good day! Today I will laugh, I will take deep breaths, I will look at the sky. Today I will smile, I will write, I will take random pictures; I even may go for a run. Today I will live.

And even if I “overdo” it, let it be so; even if I have to pay for it tomorrow. I will cherish this day. I will savor it. I will squeeze every single drop of life out of it. I will steal this day back.

I know when I go to bed tonight I will be a little sad. I may even shed some tears. I will be reluctant to close my eyes. I will be reluctant to fall asleep. I will be reluctant to let go of this one stolen day. And I will pray to my God. I will thank Him for His gift of Today and I will place my trust in Him for Tomorrow.

“I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.”

Psalms 3:5

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Galina Shelepen2 Comments